I am not the hero I thought I would be

      A benevolent truce in our Minnesota weather gifted the girls an opportunity for a road trip to pre-celebrate my birthday. Our first stop was an older house converted into a small non chained mystery book store tucked away in a small older neighborhood of Minneapolis. Wall to wall books, no Muzak, no coffee, no bright lights and you almost had to turn sideways between the racks of books to make your way through the store. I sat and watched my friends, like kids grabbing the gifts under a Christmas tree, plunder the racks for their favorite authors. The bell over the door would ring and other parishioners entered the sanctuary. The owner knew them by name, their favorite series, authors and offered hints on books not yet on the market.
      Surrounded by books dedicated to some form of mischief and mayhem confronted by an astute and brave hero I breathed in the pre birthday realization that I am not the hero I thought I would be. The clues seem to evade me. I am not so much a whodunit as a notdunit. So many paths behind and before me. What lies ahead? Will I choose from the heart or necessity? Will I figure it out?
      The musings drifted to the wolf moon that shone last night. It was the first full moon of 2010 and the biggest and brightest moon of the year. The weather would have hidden it for many but it was there. It is there when all we see is a thumbnail piece. It is there when the sun upstages its nightly monologue. Its presence was the only protecting constant before man discovered fire and light to ward off the terrors and mysteries of night. I am not the hero I thought I would be. The clues have not evaded me they have made me in their phases and cycles of fullness and pieces. I am not the hero I thought I would be I am the wolf moon. I have moments of brilliance and moments eclipsed or shrouded but at my core, my essence and my heart I remain faithful to rise again as I am. I am not the hero I thought I would be and for that I am grateful. Come Monday, when the moon rises for the fifty sixth year of my life I shall howl with the moon and the mystery shall be mine.

"Get out of jail free" card

One get out of jail free card

For today, it’s ok to just hold on.

You know your strength,

You know your joy

You know how priceless is today.


Go ahead pass Go

Blow on the ‘What if’ dice

Take your chance on tomorrow.

Sometimes you just have to play
And trust hope's breath.

doors

The night hangs on to the morning
Like the tide’s fingers upon the shore.
The darkness pierced by the bird’s echoed song
Morning trumpeters greeting the dawn.
The sun awaits for the gates to open
For its splendor to spill across the sky
A new day is born, and it is mine.

How many doors will I cross today?
How many thresholds will I pass?
How many require a handle to be turned?
How many are open to all who pass?
How many end in a windowless room?
How many empty into yet more rooms?
How many guide me to remain inside?
How many lead me to doorless nature?

They are so unnoticed, we simply pass
Yet each a transition, we leave and arrive.
What doors today O God await?
A maze, labyrinth or evolving path?
What doors today will open to prayer’s key?
To know your voice, to hear your call
To “set my face” to know your flow
What doors today shall I pass through?
And will you bid me welcome on the other side?