Friday, April 9, 2010

The Heart's Prayer

     I do not want to be told I am a sinner because I failed to meet your expectations. I do not want to be told I am a transgressor because I pushed the bounds of conventionality. I want to know I am a sinner because I have seen the face of God.
     I do not want to see the gates shut to Eden. I do not want to see the burning bush. I do not want to see the Promised Land or Jericho’s fallen walls. I want to know that You alone are God because my heart cannot but kneel.
     I do not want to stand at the manger and think what an unbecoming throne. I do not want to hear Lazarus called forth and fear the dead walking amongst us. I do not want to eavesdrop on Gethsemane’s prayer and hear the sweat fall from his face. I want to know you are the Son of God because I looked through the eyes of the thief.
     I do not fear the hiss that I could be God I fear the venom that tells me I am a sinner. Maybe it’s time to leave Eden behind and forget the gate. Maybe it’s time to remember the garden is where God walked in the cool of the evening and called out to Adam and asked “Where are you?” Yes judgment was passed, there are consequences to actions, but the first question was “where are you?” Perhaps if the answer given had been from the heart and not deceit the story may have been different.
   “Where are you my child that you feel the need to hide? Where are you my child that you fear the very power that created you? Where are you my child that you see only your actions and not your heart?
Where are you my child tell me what has happened. You’ve eaten from the tree of wisdom but to understand you need your heart, my breath. For when I breathed into you, you breathed your life back into me. Where are you my child? You are in me. It is not a kneeling, it is not a cry of belief, and it is not judging eyes you seek. It is your heart, our breath. It is to know you are loved.“ 
      And when my heart rises from the altar within my soul, I smile. To love because you cannot not love is to understand the love of God. And when that path is taken, if I listen closely there is a whisper asking “Beth, how is your heart?